Note to self – 26th birthday

6 November 2019 🥰🥳🙏🍕 

First of all, there is no happy birthday in the context of failures in the government, scary health issues in the nation, and the Mindanao quake, to which my twin Kleent agreed. I am slipping away virtually, conserving my energy to things that matter, like writing and teaching. No grand party, and my parents approve of it. Just these selfies and this date as a symbol of my #rebranding.

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Because of the grumpiness that is Kloyde, here is the list of things that happened to me:

1. I am winning the urge to not use social media for this day.
2. I was late for work for 12 minutes.
3. As I was done with my PowerPoint presentation for the Philippine literature at the noontime session, I had to surrender it because of conflict of schedule and switch to Purposive Communication real quick.
4. I spent money to buy pizza for my families: Research and Publication Center and Caday Compound.
5. On my phone are 9 messages for today: from SM Advantage Card, from General Nutrition Centers (GNC) Live Well, TNT, and a birthday greeting from a friend who calls me Papi (named after the character from Pose). And fewer DMs and PMs.
6. A friend texted me, addressing me as ‘ser’ (despite insisting I am not Sir Elton John or Sir Paul McCartney), and asked if I was in the office. I said yes, but she ordered me to go to the door because she’s too shy to go in. She might’ve asked if I am not too shy too.
7. My students are a riot. 
8. I listened to the album I’m Wide Awake, It’s Morning by Bright Eyes.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not yet done. It may be the Capricorn in me (my Neptune and Uranus signs) which writes like an ingrate. Or my Scorpio (my signs in Mercury, Sun, Pluto, and Mars) and Aquarius vibe (Saturn sign) makes the list scathingly realistic. However, I have an optimistic side (Aries Ascendant; Leo Moon; and Libra in Venus and Jupiter).

It’s a matter of perspective to actually see surprises in this seemingly mundane turn of events:

1. If I didn’t take a day away from the social media, this optimistic post wouldn’t have come into fruition. And I already have greater progress on the zines I will sell at BLTX. And I am 35% done reading this book. And gallivanting around social media sites wouldn’t grant me a meditation I had to do, says my horoscope app.
2. If we were a bit early, Dad and I could’ve been inside the crime scene where an alleged riding-in-tandem gunned a jail guard to the head. We would still be late because of the urgent and necessary traffic.
3. I believe I can still rock Purposive Communication and they’ll eat me up even if I thought I’m exclusively literature and Taylor Swift studies. Also, the syllabus given to me is outcomes-based education compliant af. Also I was given a complimentary copy of our school’s textbook. It’s very helpful. Also, I can finally use the Purposive Communication textbook gifted to me from Ateneo de Manila University Press.
4. My Sagittarius boss was willing to wait for me to come back to office at 4 pm for our simple snacks, with her buying biko and lumpia. Also, Dad said I am good-looking this morning, and he found my shades in the car after a week searching for it. St. Anthony knows how hard I prayed for my shades. May himala sometimes.
5. I love these better, that I have fewer greetings because I stan tenacious ghosts and ghostees. I turned off the mode where FB friends can post on my timeline. I don’t know about you, but I prefer private messages and tagged posts. Never mind the quantity of greeters; I’d copy and paste my ‘thank you’ anyway if this happens. Believe me when I say “you are enough (Brené Brown, 2012),” and you are “too much (Carly Rae Jepsen, 2019).” “Fuck it, I love you (Lana Del Rey, 2019).” “I am enough (Kloyde Caday, 2019).” 
6. I held the door out and I received the gift from my friend: a tin box keeping 3 washi tapes and a pink rosary that smells like rose—as an homage to Taylor Swift’s #Lover album—which was allegedly blessed by the Catholic Church. And an orange note from her, calling me from ‘ser’ to ‘bb’ (I love character arcs!) and that without bias to, and despite my being Scorpio, I deserve love in the world, and I make it a better place. Too endearing that I nearly thought this was a confession or proposal…except it isn’t. Flop.
7. My students are a riot.
8. I thought I wouldn’t be able to listen to the album I’m Wide Awake, It’s Morning by Bright Eyes forever. Many months ago, I seriously thought I’d be 25 forever.

Greetings to me and to twin Kleent, fierce brother Angelo, former lung center buddy Hime, Miss Emma Stone, and Ate Jolina Magdangal. I hope that your birthday wish is same as mine: joy, generosity, confidence, and a Fjällräven Kånken 15-inch. 

Finally, here’s a Bright Eyes song for us textbook Scorpios:

And then, suddenly there’s this huge mechanical failure and one of the engines gave out

And they started just falling, thirty thousand feet

And the pilot’s on the microphone and he’s saying

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Oh My God, I’m Sorry”

And apologizing and she looks at the man and she says

“Where are we going?” and he looks at her and he says

“We’re going to a party, it, it’s a birthday party

It’s your birthday party, happy birthday darling

We love you very, very, very, very, very, very, very much.”

And then, uh, he starts humming this little tune and, uh, it kind of goes like this 

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